Restoring Confidence and Connection in your Relationship

It is trust that forms the basic foundation of any intimate relationship, building a sense of safety with the partner. But when intimate trust is destroyed through issues like infidelity, lies, and unfulfilled promises, it can harm the base of a relationship, leading to a lot of trust issues. Despite the damage, it can be rebuilt if both partners are genuinely committed to the process. Here, therefore, is a step-by-step guide to market trust and bring safety back into your intimate space.

Picking Up the Pieces

It’s a long haul to recover from a breach of trust. This dastardly deed calls for heavy time and involvement. It takes a couple to rebuild the feeling of safety that’s required between people in a relationship. Lots of couples get derailed from this repair work. Clinical research shows happy couples navigate through the aftermath of a breach of trust by doing the following five key steps successfully:

1. Understanding the Details
2. Releasing the Anger
3. Demonstrate Commitment
4. Rebuilding Trust
5. Rebuilding the Relationship

In the case of the past cheating event, the rebuilding of a relationship for such partners takes a renewal in their level of commitment towards each other and to their relationship.

Context in the situation, in case of betrayal, is very important. The culprit of betrayal is supposed to be as open as possible and answer the questions asked openly. Clarity on these issues helps a betrayed partner understand the context of the situation. Important questions are: What went on? When and where? What prompted such emotions or issues? In understanding these aspects, the situation is clear, and the betrayed can receive healing.

Venting the Rage

Betrayal has the potential to cause devastating mental, emotional, and physical health effects. People can suffer from sleep disruption, loss of appetite, irritability, and short temper. At this stage it is important to allow these emotions to surface. The betrayed people should share and act out their feelings, putting into words how the betrayal has affected their lives. In the same vein, it is important that the offending partner also assert his own rage or feelings of resentment that may have accumulated prior to the event. This reciprocal expression can be a step further towards healing.

Demonstrating Dedication

A common victim of betrayal is the doubt both partners have about the other’s dedication to the relationship. Acts of empathy, such as being willing to share the pain, the frustration, and anger and expressing regret and failure to have done better, ensuring them that they’ve been hurt too, can be helpful in healing. Determining together clearly what both parties want out of the relationship can set realistic expectations. Use non-blaming language and “I” statements to encourage open, positive communication. For example, say, “I need to feel like everything except friends” rather than “You never put me first.”

Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust is a long and slow journey with the need for both specific targets and timelines. The general steps are:

• Decide to Forgive or Be Forgiven: It should be a willful decision to let go of past abusive actions. This might not be an overnight thing, but commitment is of the essence.
• Embrace Self-improvement: Get and work out the underlying issues that caused betrayal. Both of you should work these out to avoid a repeat.
• Be Open About Feelings: Avoid obsessive thoughts by openly discussing feelings of anger, hurt.
• Genuinely Wanting to Repair the Relationship: Sincerity is vital. Avoid lip service and be honest about your intentions and desires.

For the Offending Partner

As the one who breached the trust, it is very important to change your ways and stop keeping any secrets or telling any lies. Transparency and frankness on your part is a must. You know and talk on why you did this betrayal and take responsibility of your action without going into defense. Apologize deeply and do not try to justify your actions on the basis of the past actions of your partner.

For the Betrayed Partner

Moving forward depends crucially on what the offending partner does, but the betrayed partner also plays a critical role. Understand what went wrong before the betrayal, and proffer positive reinforcement when your partner does things that help to restore breached trust. If, after engaging in the steps described in the previous slides, you feel that you are unable to go on with the relationship, do the right thing and be true to yourself and your partner. Do not stay out of obligation.

For the Couple

Both parties must listen to each other in their completeness and know without doubt that they have a right to honest responses to questions about the betrayal. Remember the relationship is just like any new relationship; each person asks for what they want, rather than holding back trust because they are afraid. Reprogram the relationship by creating new memories and new standards for the relationship.

Some common practices are :

• Date Nights: Plan quality time together.
• Planning Together: To be sure of short- and long-term plans
• Learning Each Other’s Love Languages: Understand what each may feel towards the actions of the other and act accordingly
• Regular Check-ins: Discuss the partnership’s progress and confirm satisfaction of expectations from the relationship.

Seek professional help to make your relationship healthier, happier, and more honest. It is necessary to learn from the professionals why such betrayal would start and the means to overcome its effect. Individual therapy might also be helpful in addition to couple’s therapy to target problems that are affecting your ability to trust and be honest with each other. There are various therapeutic approaches that you can consider and use to rebuild trust, communication, and your intimate bond.

Conclusion

Getting over a major breach of trust can be tough, but it is far from impossible if both members of the couple are committed to staying together and working at the issues. It is said that through addressing critical points of understanding, release of anger, commitment, trust rebuilding, and renewal of the relationship, one moves in the path of recovery leading to an ultimately rewarding professional help that might make this journey result in a stronger and more resilient relationship. Just be patient, trust the process, keep your commitment, and work on building a future together.