Relationships are vastly different in terms of duration. Some pull through for many years or even decades, others fizzle out after several weeks or months. Sometimes, we get into a relationship with the best of expectations but find we don’t blend as well as we thought we would. Our values or life goals might not align, or the timing simply isn’t right.
The Unexpected Pain of Short-Term Breakups
Surprisingly, breakups from short-term relationships can indeed be very painful. “A short term relationship breakup holds the feelings of a long term relationship breakup,” says Claudia de Llano, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Seven Destinies of Love.” “Grief is grief.”
This article tells you why short-term relationship breakups hurt so much and gives you expert tips on how to cope and move on.
The kind of excitement that is sometimes in eager anticipation accompanies the official start of something new. We are looking forward to getting to know somebody and basically life with this person. But, if it doesn’t work, easily we can fall into disappointment. It’s important to note that just because a relationship was short doesn’t mean the hurt wasn’t excruciating. Permit yourself to grieve, practice self-care; it’s all very important in healing.
Why Short-Term Breakups Hurt So Much
Expectations
When at the start of a relationship, we usually have high hopes and great expectations from our partner. All this will, in turn, make the eventual breakup feel more disappointing, frustrations, and hopelessness when things don’t turn out as one has envisioned.
Emotional Investment
In very little time, we get attached with the other person and get emotional investment in the relationship. This emotional investment makes the breakup feel significant and aching.
Unfinished Business
Short-term relationships can sometimes be so intense that, when they end, it leaves us with unfinished business. The incompleteness alone increases the heartbreak. As de Llano responds, “This sense of loss or rejection can leave us with unresolved feelings and questions that we carry on.”
Idealized Attachments
It is easy, in the initial periods of a relationship, to become attached to the idea of the individual rather than the individual. We haven’t discovered and perceived the view of all his quirks and flaws, so it is idealized, which in turn makes breaking up harder to accept.
Rejection
Breaking up is painful in all these ways, regardless of how long the couple has been together. The hurt threatens to nudge us to go back to the blame and self-accusation in a desperate bid for an understanding of what we may have done wrong.
Loss of Future
In most short-term relationships, it may seem that the potential for long term is scaled upon. Thus, when such a relationship ends, people are not only sad for the present relationship but also for the future they had envisioned.
Fear of Being Alone
Most of us are scared to be left alone. A breakup reminds us of that fear, and it is very painful; it can deepen the suffering of the breaking.
Social Stigma
Society and family often want us to enter successful love sagas. A breakup sent soon after the new relationship has kicked in makes us feel publicly humiliated in this sense, thickening our emotional burden.
How to Survive a Short-Term Breaking Up
Apply the “No Contact” Rule
Cutting off contact with your ex is essential to healing. This means deleting their number, defriending them on social media, and not contacting them. It gives you space to think and start healing.
Set Boundaries
In the event that you share mutual friends with your ex, it is important to set boundaries on discussions or outings that involve your ex until you are comfortable.
Allow Yourself to Grieve
According to De Llano, it is important to acknowledge feelings. Hiding the emotions or pretending that you are okay may retard the process of healing. It is normal to experience a feeling of sadness, hurt, anger, and confusion.
Be as Kind as Possible with Yourself
Blaming yourself for the breakup or trying to second-guess the outcome can only hurt. So be as gentle and kind to yourself as you’d be to a good friend who was in your shoes, says de Llano. “Avoid denigrating yourself or overpersonalizing the loss,” advises de Llano.
Write it Out
Journaling about your thoughts and feelings can be very healing. It lets you unravel your emotions, says Piorkowski, and reflect on what you’ve gleaned from the relationship.
Stay Close to Those Who Care for You
Friends and family can be the best emotional supporters during any breakup. Never hesitate to ask them for comfort and companionship.
Take Good Care of Yourself
Do things that are good for you and your body. If it’s doing a session on yoga, watching the favorite series, or preparing a scrumptious meal, do care for yourself.
Be Patient
Healing from a break up takes time. Be patient with it and also realize there are going to be ups and downs along the way. Give yourself a pat on the back for your little victories en route to feeling better.
Professional Assistance
If the breakup has aggravated the mental peace to a considerable extent, one cannot step back from the idea of visiting a therapist who will put things right while guiding them about various ways to deal with and manage their situation.
Moving On
Stay preoccupied.
Keep active by doing things that interest you. This way, your mind is preoccupied and you are not thinking about the breakup all the time.
Traveling
Change of environment gives a new perspective to life. Sometimes, even short trips make you refreshed in getting up and moving forward.
Set goals
Set new personal and professional goals for yourself. Having things to work up to will give you a sense of purpose and perhaps keep your mind off the breakup.
Avoid Rebound Relationships
Just avoid jumping into relationships right after the breakup. Take some time to heal and to know precisely what one wants from future relationships.
Use Positive Affirmations
Remind yourself by using positive affirmations to enhance your self-esteem and confidence.
Relate to Yourself Again
Oftentimes, being in a relationship can blur the identity of ourselves. Use this time to learn about what makes you happy and satisfied in life, aside from relationships.
Get Closure
If you think you really need it, then try to have a respectful closure conversation with your ex. However, at the same time, be prepared that sometimes closure ends up being unfulfilling by itself.
Forgive and Forget
Forgiving yourself, and even your ex, can be immensely freeing. You can only help yourself move on and heal by letting the emotional hold the breakup has on you go.
Start Dating Only When You Are Ready
When you feel emotionally fit, go out there and open yourself to finding love once again. Take it slow and sure that this is in a good place.
Conclusion
Breakups, even from short-term relationships, can be as excruciating as those from long-term relationships. It is the emotional investment, high expectations, and the sense of loss that redhead in heartbreak. Knowing these feelings and some measures to deal with them will be very helpful in going through the pain and coming out more powerful. The most important thing in this scenario is being gentle with yourself, seeking help from your loved ones, and working on your personal development. We can heal over time and go on to healthier and more fulfilling relationships in our future through self-care.